Hey everyone. Today, I want to discuss a topic that I know a lot of people struggle with and that can be difficult to address: self-worth. This topic has many layers and can be exhausting to unpack and difficult to understand. The fact is, though, that people do struggle with it—a concerningly high number of people, especially women.
In today’s culture and with the recent glorification and fascination with thin bodies, it can be hard not to beat yourself up or think of yourself poorly when you have a body type that isn’t considered “ideal” by society’s standards. And that’s hard. Trust me, I know it is. I’ve been there. And again, that’s partly why I’m inclined to write about the issue.
Most of my life, I’ve had a bigger body. Call it what you will, but I’m just gonna say fat. I was fat. People said horrible things about my body. And on top of that, I was hard on myself. I didn’t feel valued by society. And honestly, I don’t think I was. I noticed a large shift in the way strangers and society as a whole treated me, spoke to me, and spoke about me once I lost a significant amount of weight. And that is disheartening, disturbing, and angering.
But no one should have the power to make you feel any certain way about yourself or your body. Despite the opposing messages we receive from the media or wherever else, we have so much worth and so much value that has nothing to do with looks or appearance. So let’s talk about it:
Humans Are Inherently Worthy
As human beings, just for simply being here and existing, we are worthy. We don’t have to do anything to prove we’re worthy. We just are. Despite what we may or may not believe, we are something of value. We all deserve respect and dignity. Worth is not earned or reliant on external factors. This is the basis that moral and ethical teachings are built on and the core principles that equality stands on. Regardless of background, abilities, or achievement, you are worthy. Remember that.
Creator Theory
Okay, similar to my last point of humans being inherently worthy, is the Creator Theory. We’re gonna get a little woo-woo, but just stick with me. The Creator Theory indicates that God, or whoever you believe to be the creator of the universe, created you with intention and purpose. I like this because the idea that there was some explosion 13 billion years ago, and now I’m just here to pay bills and student loans, eat, work, and die is sorta depressing. I don’t fuck with that. There’s more at play here. And the creator of the universe, who made art, music, sunsets, the ocean, the stars, the northern lights, and Wendy’s, made one of you too. Because you’re needed here, and you’re worthy, and you have a purpose, regardless of your outward appearance. God doesn’t give a fuck about stretch marks and hip dips. There’s so much more to us than that. So let’s embrace it.
Perspective Shift: What Does My Body Do for Me?
Our bodies are amazing. All the shit it does without us even batting an eye. Our beating hearts, our strong legs that take us where we need to go, our eyes that allow us to see the world, all the internal processes taking place in our bodies, our cells, our skin, our hair, everything about our bodies is wonderful. Whatever your state of health may be at the moment, you can find at least something to be grateful for about your body. It doesn’t deserve all the hate we give it. Especially considering all it does for us. My body allows me to run, dance, fight, work, relax, cook, read, laugh, and so much more. I can run faster and further than I ever have. And juju on that beat better than anyone else I know. So grateful for that.
Does Thin Really Equal Happy?
I’ll tell right now—no. I was actually at rock bottom at my thinnest. Being thin may make your life easier in some surface-level regards, but happiness, true happiness, has relatively nothing to do with our weight. Skinny people still feel pain, feel hurt, and hate themselves sometimes. I think we tell ourselves this lie so we can always be in pursuit of something. Always be chasing an idea of a life rather than living the one we’re in. That was crazy poetic. But when women put all their energy into chasing “skinny”, we sell ourselves short. We rob ourselves of our potential. Stop waiting to live until you’re thin. Because once you’re thin, you’ll just want to be thinner. And thinner. And thinner. You’ll still find shit to complain about, things you want to change. It’s never really about being thin. It’s just about wanting to be accepted and loved and validated. But we don’t need other people for that. We can like ourselves, and nobody else’s opinion on our bodies or lives should matter. Easier said than done, of course. So let’s talk about it:
Let’s Talk About External Validation
External validation—I used to love it. I still appreciate. But I don’t rely on it. Yeah, it’s nice to get compliments and be lifted up by others, but that shouldn’t be the only thing that picks us up or makes us feel good about ourselves. Validation from others is always welcome, yet it’s important to have an internal compass that helps guide our decision-making, the way we treat ourselves, and the paths we go down in life. We are the only ones living in our shoes. Therefore, at the end of the day, our opinion should matter most because we’re the ones who have to live with the consequences of our choices and behaviors. We shouldn’t revolve our lives around a picture-perfect or ideal image to make other people happy. We should rather be ourselves and let the world deal with that. Follow your passions and live in a way that aligns with your values. Do what makes you happy and if that steps on someone else’s toes or pisses society off, let it. Everyone’s path looks different, so embrace your own. Learn to love your own life, your own body, and your own path. And let that love fill up the empty spaces in your soul, seeking and begging for validation from others.
Real Talk: Do People Give a Shit About Your Appearance
Yikes. I’m gonna say yes. But also no. As with most things, it’s complex. It’s complicated. Appearance cannot be ignored. That’s not realistic. And some people truly are judgmental and hateful of other people’s bodies. That’s just life. I noticed a shift in how people approached me and talked to me once I lost 80 pounds. To me, that was evidence that yes, society and everyone in it cares heavily about what I look like. But also, no one cares as much about our appearance as we do. At the end of the day, people aren’t going to be tossing and turning in their sleep because you came to work with a pimple on your forehead or gained 5 pounds over the holidays. Most people, most sane people with not give a shit. And the people that matter and are meant to be in your life, we love you no matter what you look like. Because they know you’re a soul, not a decoration.
The Bravery in Showing Up: We Don’t Always Have to Fix Ourselves
Like imagine if we were just super authentic and didn’t really give a fuck anymore. That would be wild. And coming from a person who considers themselves pretty transparent, authenticity and not letting other people’s opinions affect you isn’t always the easiest thing. But just know that it’s brave to show up as you are. To know you don’t have to change, that you can be chunky, or weird, or have a sailor mouth, and the world might just have to deal with that. We can want to improve parts of our lives and ourselves, but still make an effort to show up and accept the way we are now. Because if we can’t accept, love, and show up as who we are today, then our changes will likely come from a place of self-hate. And we cannot hate ourselves into someone we love. You have to love and take care of yourself first. The positive changes will follow.
Being Kind is Hot
I’m gonna get a little crazy here and possibly say some wild shit. If you’re scared of cuss words, please move past this section. Anyway, as cheese dick as this sounds, beauty isn’t just skin deep. Your soul, your attitude, and the way you treat others are reflections of beauty in and of themselves. You can have a beautiful thin body, gorgeous eyes, perfect teeth, and whatever else. But if you’re a heinous cunt, you’re automatically the ugliest person ever. Being a massive stanky bitch is not cute. When you treat people poorly on purpose, bring others down, or have that mean girl attitude, you’re just not attractive. Kindness is beauty. That was so cheesy. But I believe it to be true, so I’ll keep it in here.
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Okay, so now that we’ve talked about self-worth and some content related to that, let’s explore how we can put those ideas into practice.
How to Find Worth Outside Your Appearance
Make a list of all the internal qualities you love about yourself:
Grab a pen and paper and go for it. And if it crosses your mind, write it down. This is what you think about yourself, not what others think about your character. What do you believe to be your strengths, gifts, and talents? Write it down.
Make a list of things you’re passionate about and topics that interest you:
Again, love lists. Good thing you already have a pen and paper out. So write down all the things that get you fired up, that you could talk about for hours, things that make you curious, and the topics you want to learn more about.
Set some goals that have nothing to do with appearance and aren’t intended to please someone else:
Have a solid set of goals for yourself. Not things that society or anyone else expects from you. Not anything you want to achieve to impress someone else. What do you want to do? What do you want to see yourself amount to?
Challenge your negative self-talk:
We all have negative thoughts, sometimes they might be true, most of the time they’re just thoughts. Not gospel. Challenge those beliefs that keep you stuck and trapped in an appearance-based world. Push back on the self-doubt. Take your power back. And remember, just because a thought crosses your mind, that doesn’t make it automatically true. If that were the case, I’d think to myself “I have a million dollars in my bank account”, but sincerely, shit doesn’t work like that.
Practice self-compassion:
Forgive yourself, treat yourself like you would a friend. Don’t be harsh or cruel or mean to yourself. You don’t deserve it. You’re only trying to do your best. We all are.
Take care of yourself:
We can remind ourselves that we’re worthy and valuable when we take time to prioritize our physical and mental wellbeing. Take care of yourself every day in the best way you can to remind yourself of your value and worth.
Dress for yourself, not for others:
Look bitch, wear what you want. What you’re comfortable in. What do you like? What speaks to you? And let the world live with that.
Find ways to compliment others that aren’t appearance-based:
Yeah, we all love a good appearance-based complement, but I challenge you to look a little deeper and compliment someone on anything else. The harder we look to see what we appreciate in others that doesn’t have to do with looks, the more we can recognize and appreciate those qualities in ourselves.
Closing
Okay, fabulous friends. I hope you liked this post. It was one of my favorites to write. I love pairing profanity with deep, intricate, and complex human experiences. Self-worth is no exception. Hope you enjoyed this chat today. Check out my similar post about how to improve body image here. Be back next week.